Today begins the story. I've long since forgotten where it started but today it begins. It's a quarter past midnight and I can't sleep with the thoughts of all I want to do: listen to zaz (the jazz group I recently found), get a new phone, face my budget, get a new job, quit smoking cigarettes, keep riding my bike, start lifting and the list goes on. I can't seem to quiet all these thoughts. Yet. I can't get him off the brain either and that's what's truly keeping me awake. I've hurt him bad by being clingy and mean and needy. I fried his nerves. I disgust him. Sadly, all true. And I can only try to show him things will get better by doing them yet my heart is so shredded that finding the strength to push through has been a challenge. He wants me to focus on me and says he's not going anywhere. I trust and believe that. I'm just hurt. And I needed to get it out. Because with him living right next to my room still I feel I can't even cry because I'm expected to somehow just be okay like he is. I'm not asking him to care about my feelings per se, I just wish he'd be gentle with me so I could do the same. When someone is so cold how are you supposed to be warm? *sigh* I just want to sleep again. Don't know how to do that right now...